Have you ever wondered how to get past resentment in your marriage? Do you ever feel resentment building between you and your spouse? Maybe you’re not sure what it is, or why it’s happening, but you know that you don’t like the way it feels.
Resentment is a common feeling in marriages, and it can be tough to get past. In this blog post, we will explore six questions that are common to ask when dealing with resentment in your marriage. We’ll discuss what resentment is, why it happens, and how you can start to let go of it.
If you’re struggling with resentment in your marriage, these tips may help!
What is resentment and why does it happen in marriages?
Resentment is a negative feeling that can arise when you feel like your spouse isn’t meeting your needs or fulfilling your expectations. It can be especially common in marriages where one person feels like they’re doing all the work, or in situations where there has been a betrayal or hurtful event.
When resentment builds up, it can be tough to let go of. It can cause you to withdraw from your spouse and feel angry or bitter towards them. Resentment can also lead to other problems in your marriage, such as communication issues, trust issues, and even affairs.
How can you tell if you're feeling resentment towards your spouse?
There are a few signs that can indicate whether or not you’re feeling resentful towards your spouse:
- You find yourself constantly annoyed with them
- You feel like they never do anything right
- You have trouble forgiving them for past mistakes
- You feel like you’re always the one who has to compromise
- You find yourself withdrawing from them emotionally
What are some of the causes of resentment in marriage?
There are a variety of reasons why marital resentment might develop. Typically, it starts when one spouse believes they are more loving, attentive, and “present” in the relationship than their partner. It may progress to contempt if left unchecked.
Here are some common causes of resentment in marriage:
The need to always be right
When you’re attached to your idea of being right, it often comes at the expense of your relationship. You put more importance on proving that you’re right than on actually connecting with and understanding your partner. This can lead to resentment over time, as your spouse feels like they’re constantly being shut down or dismissed.
Feeling taken for granted
When you feel like your spouse takes you for granted, it often leads to resentment. You may start to feel that your partner doesn’t appreciate all the things you do for them, and this can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.
Not feeling heard or understood
If you don’t feel like your spouse is listening to you or trying to understand you, it can cause a lot of resentment. You may feel like your concerns and feelings are being ignored, which can lead to a feeling of isolation in the relationship.
Not feeling valued
When you don’t feel valued by your spouse, it often leads to resentment. You may start to feel like they don’t appreciate or care about you, which can be damaging to the relationship.
How can you start to let go of resentment and move on from it?
It’s not always easy to let go of resentment, but there are a few things you can do to try and move on. However, both partners must be completely dedicated to rebuilding their relationship for these suggestions to be effective.
Acknowledge how you’re feeling
The first step is acknowledging that you’re feeling resentful. This can be tough, but it’s important to start by recognizing and admitting what you’re feeling. Don’t try to brush your feelings under the rug or ignore them.
Talk to your spouse about it
Once you’ve acknowledged how you’re feeling, the next step is talking to your spouse about it. You must both be honest and open with each other during this conversation. Don’t try to hide your resentment or sugarcoat it.
Make a list of what you need from your spouse
After you’ve talked to your spouse about how you’re feeling, the next step is making a list of what you need from them. This can be things like needing more understanding, needing them to be more attentive, or needing them to take you for granted less.
Don’t gossip about your spouse with others
One of the worst things you can do when you’re feeling resentful is to gossip about your spouse with other people. Not only does this damage your relationship even further, but it also makes your friends and family members take sides.
Be empathetic
Try to be empathetic towards your spouse. Understand that they may not realize they’re doing something that’s causing you to feel resentful, and give them a chance to make things right.
Go to couples counseling if needed
If you find that you’re struggling to let go of resentment and move on from it, couples counseling may be a good option for you. This can help provide a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and work through the issues that are causing resentment in the relationship.
Are there any resources or books that can help with this issue?
There are a few resources that might be helpful if you’re struggling with resentment in your marriage. If you’re looking for more advice, I’d recommend checking out this article from Very Well Mind, The 10 Best Marriage Books For Couples of 2022.
Books can be helpful resources for learning how to get past resentment in your marriage because they provide a lot of information and advice from experts on the topic. This can help you to better understand what’s going on in your relationship, as well as how to work through the issues causing resentment. Additionally, books often provide exercises or activities that can help you and your spouse to better communicate and understand each other.
Need help navigating how to get past resentment in your marriage?
If you’re asking the question, “how to get past resentment in your marriage?”. Getting connected with someone that can help you through the process may be a great option for you.
Makin Wellness can help provide the support and guidance you need to start working through your resentment. You don’t have to face this issue alone – we’re here to help! Contact us at (412) 532-1249 or schedule an appointment at www.makinwellness.com.
This Post Has 4 Comments
Helpful and interesting guide that couples should follow through, Thanks for sharing.
I have resentments but I fear talking about it with my spouse. I think telling her that I have never loved her and I have been tolerating her all these years. That maybe incredibly hurtful and I am afraid to say anything.
Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience, Gary. What your are experiencing sounds difficult and conflicting because you seem to not want to hurt your partner, but do want to be honest about how you feel. I would suggest talking to a therapist to help you process your feelings, your marriage, understanding what you want, and to create healthy next steps for you to navigate this situation.
Very useful and authentic guide for couples. Thanks for sharing this valuable piece of content.