Are you unhappy in your current relationship and wish things were different?
Do you often find yourself in bad relationships and think a healthy one may not be possible?
Feeling hopeless about finding a good partner is understandable. The dating world is full of online profiles, apps, and a constant carousel of people to swipe past. These tools make finding people of substance, quality, and deep and genuine connection challenging.
But the tools of the dating trade may not be to blame. Our world beliefs, self-esteem, and understanding of what makes a healthy relationship work are skewed and, often, misguided.
This post will cover why healthy relationships matter, how to identify what went wrong in your past (or current) relationship, and the seven character traits to bring to the table for a lasting strong partnership. Plus, there is a bonus tip to jump-start the process at the end. Let’s jump in!
Why a Healthy Relationship Matters
We all know that our relationships directly correlate to our happiness and well-being. But you may need to know the extent our choice of partner plays in our level of success and health long-term.
Both men and women who are in long-term committed relationships live longer. For women, their mental health is better in committed relationships. For men, their physical health becomes better. And when you add a supportive, nurturing relationship dynamic that creates space for both individuals to achieve greater things in their lives.
On the contrary, if you are involved with someone who demeans us, doesn’t listen to us, gaslights us, or doesn’t concern themselves with our needs, you may experience negative mental health issues.
Some of these issues include:
- Depression
- Self-esteem issues
- Lack of motivation
- Fear of failure
- Fear of disappointing our partner
As a result of poor character traits, these resulting feelings significantly inhibit our ability to perform at work or take risks and truly live life in a way we want to, to cater to the partner with the power in the relationship.
Overall, the person we choose to be with and the character traits they display can have a massive impact on our life, positively and negatively, because they are woven deeply into almost every aspect of our day-to-day experiences. Selecting a partner with many of the healthy traits we list below will help you choose someone who can create a supportive environment to dream big and live life fully for you both.
Identify What Went Wrong in The Past
When you’re getting ready to start a new relationship, it helps to identify what didn’t work in your past one. Understanding what felt wrong in that relationship will help you understand the importance and role each of the seven traits we list later plays in a healthy relationship dynamic.
Questions to ask about your last relationship:
- What did your partner do that made you feel unhappy, sad, or unvalued in your last relationship?
- How often did you communicate openly and honestly about the things that mattered to you?
- Did your partner make an effort to listen to your point of view, or were they dismissive or even confrontational when it came to your feelings?
- How often did you make time for each other, and was that quality time or rushed due to multiple commitments?
- Did your partner take responsibility for their mistakes, or were they more likely to blame you instead?
- Was there trust and honesty in the relationship, or did it feel strained due to withheld information or secrets?
- Did your partner express gratitude for the things you did, or were their words and actions unappreciative and uncaring?
Take your time in answering these questions. It is common to repress the negative feelings or pain you may have felt throughout a harmful or toxic relationship as a defense mechanism. Allow yourself space to gently think about your past partner’s character traits and patterns, but take breaks if memories become too intense.
Reach out to friends or family if you become overwhelmed by this process, or even invite them into this process. Sometimes our friends have a better objective lens to view our past relationship since they were not emotionally involved with that person.
Once you work through these questions and think about what didn’t work in your past relationship, let’s look at how to use those lessons to create a healthy relationship dynamic in your next one.
The 7 Character Traits that Make a Healthy Relationship
Here are the seven character traits to help you create an emotionally healthy and long-lasting connection. While no relationship is ever perfect, having these character traits at the forefront of your mind will set you up for success.
These character traits are the building blocks of any healthy relationship. When both parties embrace them, it will set you up for a successful connection. Remember that relationships take work and effort, but investing your time and energy into these seven characteristics will help ensure that your next relationship is full of understanding and mutual respect.
1. Compassion
Being compassionate isn’t just about feeling empathy for others – it’s about taking action to show your feelings. Taking steps such as offering support, listening without judgment, and actively trying to understand someone else’s perspective will help create a strong foundation of understanding and connection in any relationship.
2. Respect
Respect is an essential character trait when it comes to disagreements or day-to-day interactions. Treating your partner respectfully means speaking kindly, expressing appreciation for their thoughts and opinions, and never engaging in name-calling or verbal abuse.
3. Honesty
Honesty is one of the most crucial building blocks of any healthy relationship. If you’re not honest with your partner, it can lead to a breakdown of trust. Always be honest about your thoughts, feelings, and intentions regarding your relationship.
4. Open Communication
Open communication is the key to any successful relationship. When both partners are willing to talk openly and honestly about their feelings, needs, and desires, they can work together to find solutions to help them both.
5. Support
In a healthy relationship, it’s important to show support and encouragement for your partner – no matter what. Being there to cheer them on during successes and be a shoulder to cry on during failures helps create strong bonds that will last through the good times and bad.
6. Boundaries
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential to any relationship. It’s important to know your and your partner’s physical and emotional limits to create a safe and supportive environment for both of you.
7. Patience
No one is perfect, so it’s essential to have patience with yourself and your partner. Slowing down, listening, and understanding each other can eliminate unnecessary conflict, allowing you to work together as a team toward a happy future.
Bonus Tip
As with the beginning of any transformation in life, all roads to happiness start with you. Ask yourself if there are any traits that you bring to the table that may not be the healthiest. No one is perfect, and we are continually growing and learning to be better versions of ourselves. Take time to analyze how you act, react, or demand from your relationships to see if there are any areas of growth to work on.
Unfortunately, we tend to attract people who match our mentality in some way or fulfill what we already believe about ourselves.
For example, if you always speak to yourself negatively, you may attract someone who will talk negatively to you. Or suppose you are emotionally codependent on someone and constantly feel guilty and apologize for needing something from your partner. In that case, you may end up with someone who dismisses your needs and makes you feel more guilty about them.
That isn’t to say we are to blame for people treating us poorly. It simply means we can attract the wrong people who can hurt us in the already-wounded parts of ourselves. If we are more aware of who we are attracting, we can better avoid toxic people in the future.
The best way to attract a quality person is to work on your issues and happiness. That happiness is contagious and attracts other happy people, setting you up for a better chance of a healthy relationship.
By identifying patterns that produce poor quality relationships, and working to repair either our own issues or not choosing people with issues that hurt us, we can make better choices in the future.
Conclusion
By bringing these seven traits into your next relationship, you will be better set up for a long-term, healthy partnership. Embracing compassion, respect, honesty, open communication, support, boundaries, and patience will help you create the tight bond you’ve hoped for.
If you’re struggling to find these traits in your current relationship, take a step back and reassess what’s best for both of you. People change over time, and sometimes it is best for both people to part ways to work on yourselves and find people who better match the life you want in the future. Regardless of the outcome, remember that taking care of yourself is always the priority.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand what a healthy relationship dynamic includes fully. This can be because of past trauma, toxic family dynamics, or years of abuse that have programmed your brain to seek what is familiar (toxic people) instead of what is healthy. In this case, finding a counselor who can help you work through your past and learn what is part of a healthy relationship together may be beneficial.
If this sounds like you, visit our counselors’ page to find a therapist who fits your needs based on their specialties. Click on the counselor’s bio you are interested in scheduling with, or start here to schedule your first online appointment when convenient. Taking action is the first step to learning from your past to change the trajectory of your future.
Have you successfully ended a bad relationship and found a good one? Why is this relationship healthier than your last? Let us know below in the comments!
