What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes you question your own thoughts, memories, and reality. It often happens gradually, so you might not even realize it at first.
Someone using gaslighting tactics might twist facts, deny things they previously said, or make you feel like you’re overreacting. Over time, this can make you feel unsure of yourself and rely more on the person gaslighting you for a sense of what’s true.
Recognizing gaslighting is the first step toward reclaiming your confidence and clarity. This article helps to explain gaslighting on a deeper level and give you actionable steps if you want to break the cycle.
Why is it called gaslighting?
The term “gaslighting” comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light, which was later adapted into films.
In the story, a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her reality by dimming the gas lights in their home and then denying that the lights changed. His goal is to make her feel confused and question her own perception.
This fictional example mirrors real-life gaslighting, where someone’s reality is slowly distorted by another person’s persistent denial, deception, or misdirection.
Signs of gaslighting
Gaslighting can show up in different ways, and recognizing the signs can help you restore control over your sense of reality.
Some common signs of gaslighting include:
- Denial of things you remember clearly. You bring up something that happened, and the other person insists it never did.
- Twisting your words. They take what you say and distort it to make it seem like you meant something else entirely.
- Dismissing your feelings. You might hear phrases like, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting.”
- Projecting their actions onto you. If they lie or break trust, they might accuse you of doing those things instead.
- Making you feel like you’re imagining things. They suggest that your memory is faulty or that you’re just confused.
- Isolating you from support. They might discourage you from talking to friends or family about your concerns.
If you’ve experienced these behaviors, it’s important to remember that what you’re feeling is valid.
What does gaslighting look like?
In any type of relationship (e.g. romantic, familial, or professional), gaslighting can create an imbalance of power where one person controls the narrative, making the other feel dependent or unsure of themselves.
In a romantic relationship, gaslighting might look like your partner invalidating your emotions or making you feel responsible for things outside your control.
In friendships or family dynamics, it could involve someone rewriting history to downplay their behavior and make you feel guilty for reacting.
Gaslighting can also appear in the workplace, where a boss or colleague manipulates situations to make you doubt your abilities or memory of events.
In any setting, it can leave you feeling confused and drained, but recognizing it is the first step toward taking back your confidence.
Gaslighting examples
Understanding examples of gaslighting may help you know if you are experiencing this type of abuse in your relationship.
Some examples of gaslighting include:
In Relationships
- “That never happened.” – Denying past events to make you doubt your memory.
- “You’re too sensitive.” – Dismissing your emotions to make you feel irrational.
- “You’re imagining things.” – Making you question your perception of reality.
- “I never said that.” – Denying previous statements despite clear evidence.
- “Everyone agrees with me.” – Making you feel isolated and questioning your judgment.
At Work
- “You’re overreacting.” – Undermining your concerns about unfair treatment.
- “I already told you that.” – Blaming you for forgetfulness when they never provided the information.
- “You’re not remembering correctly.” – Twisting past events to suit their narrative.
- “You’re lucky to have this job.” – Making you doubt your worth and feel powerless.
In Family Dynamics
- “You’re making things up for attention.” – Dismissing valid concerns or memories.
- “That never happened when you were a kid.” – Denying past events to rewrite history.
- “You always make things difficult.” – Shifting blame onto you instead of addressing issues.
In Friendships
- “I never said that.” – Denying hurtful comments they previously made.
- “You’re crazy for thinking that.” – Making you feel irrational for questioning them.
- “I was just joking, don’t be so dramatic.” – Excusing harmful behavior and making you feel bad for reacting.
How to respond to gaslighting
If you recognize gaslighting in your life, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and regain control over your life again. Having a plan to respond or escape gaslighting relationships can help ensure you are safe and have options.
Here are 5 actionable steps you can use to respond to gaslighting:
- Trust your instincts. If something feels off, trust that feeling. Your emotions and perceptions are real and valid.
- Keep a record. Writing things down can help you stay grounded in your reality. If someone denies something they said or did, you have notes to confirm your memory.
- Set boundaries. It’s okay to disengage from conversations where someone is trying to distort your reality.
- Seek support. Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or online counselor can help you process your experiences and build confidence in your own perception.
- Use confident language. When responding to gaslighting, use firm and clear statements like, “I remember it differently,” or “That’s not what happened.” This keeps you anchored in your truth without needing to prove yourself.
Summary
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes you question your own thoughts, memories, and reality. It often happens gradually, so you might not even realize it at first.
The term “gaslighting” comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light, which was later adapted into films.
This fictional example mirrors real-life gaslighting, where someone’s reality is slowly distorted by another person’s persistent denial, deception, or misdirection.
Gaslighting can show up in different ways, and recognizing the signs can help you restore control over your sense of reality.
In any type of relationship (e.g. romantic, familial, or professional), gaslighting can create an imbalance of power where one person controls the narrative, making the other feel dependent or unsure of themselves.
If you recognize gaslighting in your life, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and regain control over your life again. Having a plan to respond or escape gaslighting relationships can help ensure you are safe and have options.
These steps include: trusting your instincts, keeping a record, setting boundaries, seeking support, and using confident language.
If you have experienced this for a long period of time, gaslighting may be causing confusion and difficulty understanding reality. You may need the support of a specialist who understands your experiences and can help you find safety and confidence again.
If you are ready to seek support and conquer the effects of gaslighting, call us at (833)-274-heal or schedule an appointment to get started. Your personalized treatment plan with one of our online mental health specialists can be the first step towards a life free from gaslighting.
This Post Has 8 Comments
Watch out for narcissistic nurses and doctors. They will feel threatened by anyone who challenges them, even when the other person is right. These are not good people to deal honestly with patients. They don’t care about patient care. They care about paychecks. They are best placed in hospitals, not home health, so they can be watched and observed by others.
Where is the “And What to Do About It” part?
Hi Susan, thank you for your comment. In the article, we suggest talking with trusted friends, family, and a counselor or therapist for support and help getting out of the relationship. If you or someone you know is in a relationship with a narcissist and need help, we are here for you. You can call us at 833-274-4325 to schedule an appointment, or schedule one online at https://www.makinwellness.com/get-started/ .
This is such an important topic, and you’ve done a great job providing practical guidance.
I was married to a narcissistic husband for 11 years. The affairs and lies never stopped. He was fired from his job because he caused so much conflict there. I’ve been divorced for 17 yrs & his game changed to narcissistic gas lighting. Once you recognize the game it’s easier to deal with it, and seek therapy.
You shared a great article. I would like to appreciate your time and effort in creating this meaningful information. I found this article on narcissist gaslighting truly eye-opening. It’s crucial to recognize these manipulative behaviors and their impact on mental health. Understanding the signs can empower individuals to break free from toxic relationships. The practical tips provided here are invaluable for anyone navigating such situations. Great insights!
I really like that the article shared the meanings of gaslighting. I had a Very Narcissistic husband and had to take him to court for major abuse and he landed himself in jail for 10 years. Later had a neighbor that was/Is narcissistic and after 13 years, I did the “gray rock” (ignored him). I had to stand my ground by not answering his calls, texts, etc..he eventually got the hint and pretty much has left me alone. I’ve had to tell myself that I was not being selfish by not answering him, but rather I am protecting myself from further harm and that that is very very healthy!
Glad to know you are out of that abusive relationship, Judy. Also, it shows a lot of growth hearing how you expressed a boundary with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. It shows you are healing from the abuse you have experienced. Surrounding yourself with those who make you feel comfortable is important. Don’t feel bad for protecting your personal space.